Starting couples therapy can feel intimidating. Many couples worry that the first session will turn into a blame game or that the therapist will “take sides.” In reality, the first meeting is about understanding what brings you in, setting goals, and beginning to create a safe, structured space for open communication. Knowing what to expect—and how to prepare—can help you get the most out of it.
What Happens in the First Session
1. Setting the stage.
Most therapists begin by explaining how sessions work: confidentiality, session length (usually 90 minutes), and their role as a neutral facilitator. You and your partner will both have time to speak openly about what led you to therapy and what you hope to achieve. It’s common for one partner to be more ready to talk than the other; therapists are trained to balance this dynamic.
2. Understanding your relationship history.
Expect the therapist to ask about how you met, what drew you together, and what major events have shaped your relationship. This background helps them understand your connection, communication patterns, and where tensions may arise. Even if it feels awkward, honesty from both partners is essential—the therapist is not judging but looking for patterns.
3. Identifying the core issues.
The therapist will guide you toward defining the specific problems you want to address—such as communication difficulties, trust issues, conflict about finances, or emotional distance. They might ask each of you what changes would make the relationship feel healthier. The goal is not to assign blame but to establish clarity about what needs attention.
4. Setting goals and expectations.
By the end of the first session, the therapist will usually summarize what they’ve heard and propose a direction for future work. You might discuss how often to meet (usually weekly or bi-weekly), what approaches will be used (like Emotionally Focused Therapy), and what progress could look like. You’ll leave with a clearer sense of what therapy will involve, though major breakthroughs rarely happen right away.
How to Prepare
1. Clarify your intentions.
Before the session, think about why you want therapy and what you hope to change. Are you looking to rebuild trust, improve communication, or decide whether to stay together? Writing down a few key goals can help you stay focused when emotions run high.
2. Manage your expectations.
The first session is about exploration, not resolution. You may not feel immediate relief, and that’s normal. View it as the first step in an ongoing process rather than a single fix.
3. Be ready to listen as much as you speak.
Couples therapy works best when both partners are willing to hear each other’s perspectives, even if it’s uncomfortable. Try to enter the room with curiosity instead of defensiveness.
4. Stay open and honest.
It’s tempting to withhold details to protect yourself or your partner, but real progress depends on transparency. A good therapist will help you discuss difficult topics without escalating conflict.
5. Ask questions and voice concerns.
If anything about the process feels unclear—such as how confidentiality works, how progress will be measured, or what happens between sessions—feel free to ask. It’s your right to understand the structure, methods, and goals of therapy. Similarly, if you have concerns about the therapist’s approach or feel uncomfortable at any point, speak up. Most therapists welcome feedback and will adjust their methods to create a space that feels safe and productive for both partners.
6. Take care of yourself afterward.
First sessions can stir up strong feelings. Plan some downtime afterward to decompress—go for a walk, talk with a friend, or reflect on what came up.
Starting couples therapy is a courageous decision. The first session lays the foundation for healing and understanding, not perfection. If you approach it with openness, patience, and a shared commitment to growth, it can become a turning point toward a healthier, more connected relationship.