Every relationship faces challenges — it’s part of the deal when two people bring their unique histories, values, and emotions together. But sometimes the question arises: Should we keep working on this, or is it time to walk away? Deciding whether to stay or end a relationship is one of the most difficult emotional choices we make, especially when love is still present but things feel broken.
Start by Asking the Right Questions
Before making any big decisions, take a step back and reflect honestly. Renowned couples experts like John Gottman and Esther Perel have identified powerful questions and warning signs that can help clarify whether a relationship still has potential — or whether it’s reached its end.
From John Gottman, consider:
- Are we willing to repair conflict after it happens?
- Do we still express appreciation and respect for one another?
- Are we stuck in patterns of criticism, contempt, defensiveness, or stonewalling? (These “Four Horsemen” are major predictors of separation.)
- When we reach out emotionally, do we at least try to respond to each other — or turn away?
If destructive patterns dominate your relationship and attempts to repair are constantly rejected or ignored, Gottman suggests the foundation may be too damaged to rebuild — unless both partners are willing to put in the effort and change.
From Esther Perel, ask yourself:
- Are you growing or shrinking in this relationship?
- Do you still feel curious about each other, or are you emotionally numb?
- Are you staying because of fear — or because of potential?
- Have you truly shown up, done the work, and voiced your needs?
Perel invites people to go deeper than blame and ask whether the relationship allows for aliveness, honesty, and transformation. If you feel emotionally flat, invisible, or stagnant, the relationship may no longer be serving either of you.
These aren’t questions with easy answers. But sitting with them — perhaps in the presence of a therapist — can lead to surprising clarity.
The Role of Couples Therapy
Couples therapy isn’t just for marriages in crisis — it can be a powerful tool for any partnership navigating a rough patch. A trained therapist can help uncover the root of your conflicts, teach healthier communication, and create space for both partners to feel heard and understood.
Sometimes therapy helps couples rebuild stronger than before. Other times, it helps them part ways respectfully and with closure. Either outcome is a success if it brings clarity and healing.
The Bottom Line
No one else can tell you whether your relationship is worth saving — but you don’t have to figure it out alone. Trust your intuition, look at the patterns, and don’t be afraid to ask the hard questions. Whether you fight for your relationship or choose to lovingly let it go, the most important thing is that the choice is conscious, honest, and rooted in care — for yourself and your partner.